What's Wrong With Me?

Re: Trichotillamania causes

Posted By: Ellen
Date: Sunday, March 26 2006, at 9:04 p.m.

In Response To: Re: Trichotillamania causes (Donna)

I am 45 and have been pulling my hair since I was 11 and a 1/2. I have always pulled from one area on my head, that is the top of my head at the crown. 'It felt' different, and I also attacked my eye lashes and for a long while my eye brows. I also groom my pubic area. As an added bonus, which not all trichotillamaniacs do, I eat the hair because there is something about the crunch of the root ball that is particulalry appealing and I also have come to like the pain associated by pulling the hairs one by one. It is insidious and on top off everything else life has to offer, the indignity of this extra stressor is almost too much somedays. Sometimes it is unconscious, and is particularly bad when I am watching TV alone or reading a book. Both are some what 'idle' occupations if you understand what I mean. So the idea of being busy is a good one, but there will always be a moment in the bathroom, at night just before bed, anytime someone has stepped out of the room. I confessed to no one that I did this thing until I was 33, that 22 years of silence and lying. Until that point, if anyone noticed the bald spot through the 'comb over' I've worn for most of my life, I would make up a story about gum and hair being a bad mix. Mostly they would understand and move on never guessing the real truth. I think that if you are not a hair puller, then you can't possibly dream up this thing that we do. It seems too horrible to imagine. After the birth of my 2 children, I tried paxil and took it for 4 years, to combat a serious depression and as a treatment to the hair pulling. By that point I had confessed to a second person (so far both of them were doctors - both were only vaguely familiar with the term and the condition). I sought out a group of sufferes but the problem after acknoledgin our commonality, was that we didn't want to talk about it becaus eof the shame associated with it, we preferred not to share anymore. It was short lived but by then I had seen and met others who were normal except for this thing we shared. After 4 years I had managed to grow back a lot of the hair, which up until that point, I had been told would be unlikely to happen. The indignity I suffer fromnow is that what has grown in is stark white, the stress of pulling for so long. And so I still have a combed over pony tail even after all that exhaustive work. And its hard as 45 year old woman to defend you rlook, that you don't care for fashion, that a hair slon is nothing to you when I would love to have a short cute hairstyle, that I would love to go to a salon and have it washed professionally, anything but I don't and I won't and I live with that. Talking about it helped and I confessed to 2 life long friends that I did this thing, expecting rejection, and there was only acceptance. I confessed to my now ex husband, who didn't understand (its good he's an ex now). And in my new relationship, I confessed up front for I no longer wanted that secret from a partner. Not an issue. I've asked him to ask me what I am doing if he ever sees, my hands on my head for no apparent reason. and he has, and that is good. But I still feel the shame. But always a battle. I have to talk myself out of it or limit the itme that I do it but i cannot stop so it ios compulsive but I wouldn't say it is a compulsive disorder, I think it is related to brain chemistry. It is exacerbated during times of stress, when my hair is not clean, and when I sit idle. Imagine to my horror, when my ex husband related that our elder son suddenly had a little bald patch on his head. Indeed

Messages In This Thread

Trichotillamania causes
Dave -- Thursday, August 18 2005, at 5:43 p.m.

Re: Trichotillamania causes
anya -- Thursday, October 20 2005, at 7:38 a.m.

Re: Trichotillamania causes
Dave -- Friday, October 21 2005, at 9:49 a.m.

Re: Trichotillamania causes
melissa -- Saturday, December 3 2005, at 7:27 p.m.

Re: Trichotillamania causes
Sarah -- Wednesday, January 11 2006, at 12:37 p.m.

Re: Trichotillamania causes
Melissa -- Thursday, January 12 2006, at 8:15 a.m.

Re: Trichotillamania causes (DNO)
sarah -- Thursday, January 19 2006, at 12:46 p.m.

Re: Trichotillamania causes
sarah -- Thursday, January 19 2006, at 1:22 p.m.

Re: Trichotillamania causes (DNO)
vicki -- Friday, January 13 2006, at 12:07 a.m.

Re: Trichotillamania causes
megan -- Friday, January 20 2006, at 6:18 p.m.

Re: Trichotillamania causes
vicki -- Friday, January 13 2006, at 12:16 a.m.

Re: Trichotillamania causes
Donna -- Tuesday, January 31 2006, at 3:32 p.m.

Re: Trichotillamania causes
Ellen -- Sunday, March 26 2006, at 9:04 p.m.

Re: Trichotillamania causes
Suzanne -- Wednesday, April 16 2008, at 1:40 a.m.

Re: Trichotillamania causes
Frances -- Monday, March 27 2006, at 5:56 p.m.

 

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Message: > I am 45 and have been pulling my hair since I was 11 > and a 1/2. I have always pulled from one area on my > head, that is the top of my head at the crown. 'It > felt' different, and I also attacked my eye lashes and > for a long while my eye brows. I also groom my pubic > area. As an added bonus, which not all > trichotillamaniacs do, I eat the hair because there is > something about the crunch of the root ball that is > particulalry appealing and I also have come to like > the pain associated by pulling the hairs one by one. > It is insidious and on top off everything else life > has to offer, the indignity of this extra stressor is > almost too much somedays. > Sometimes it is unconscious, and is particularly bad > when I am watching TV alone or reading a book. Both > are some what 'idle' occupations if you understand > what I mean. So the idea of being busy is a good one, > but there will always be a moment in the bathroom, at > night just before bed, anytime someone has stepped out > of the room. > I confessed to no one that I did this thing until I > was 33, that 22 years of silence and lying. Until that > point, if anyone noticed the bald spot through the > 'comb over' I've worn for most of my life, I would > make up a story about gum and hair being a bad mix. > Mostly they would understand and move on never > guessing the real truth. I think that if you are not a > hair puller, then you can't possibly dream up this > thing that we do. It seems too horrible to imagine. > After the birth of my 2 children, I tried paxil and > took it for 4 years, to combat a serious depression > and as a treatment to the hair pulling. By that point > I had confessed to a second person (so far both of > them were doctors - both were only vaguely familiar > with the term and the condition). I sought out a group > of sufferes but the problem after acknoledgin our > commonality, was that we didn't want to talk about it > becaus eof the shame associated with it, we preferred > not to share anymore. It was short lived but by then I > had seen and met others who were normal except for > this thing we shared. After 4 years I had managed to > grow back a lot of the hair, which up until that > point, I had been told would be unlikely to happen. > The indignity I suffer fromnow is that what has grown > in is stark white, the stress of pulling for so long. > And so I still have a combed over pony tail even after > all that exhaustive work. > And its hard as 45 year old woman to defend you rlook, > that you don't care for fashion, that a hair slon is > nothing to you when I would love to have a short cute > hairstyle, that I would love to go to a salon and have > it washed professionally, anything but I don't and I > won't and I live with that. > Talking about it helped and I confessed to 2 life long > friends that I did this thing, expecting rejection, > and there was only acceptance. > I confessed to my now ex husband, who didn't > understand (its good he's an ex now). And in my new > relationship, I confessed up front for I no longer > wanted that secret from a partner. Not an issue. I've > asked him to ask me what I am doing if he ever sees, > my hands on my head for no apparent reason. and he > has, and that is good. But I still feel the shame. > But always a battle. > I have to talk myself out of it or limit the itme that > I do it but i cannot stop so it ios compulsive but I > wouldn't say it is a compulsive disorder, I think it > is related to brain chemistry. > It is exacerbated during times of stress, when my hair > is not clean, and when I sit idle. > Imagine to my horror, when my ex husband related that > our elder son suddenly had a little bald patch on his > head. Indeed
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